Alright, so some of you know me as one that can't tell a short story. Furthermore, some of you know me as a girl that always has questions that seem to have no answers. Some of you don't know me at all. I've come to conclusion that my sorrow for mankind comes by the studying of others and as weak as I am, I simply cannot look away.

Before I begin my drool, I just want to give an update on my story that very few are reading. Why I feel an announcement is necessary, i'm not really sure. I just need the boost of optimism.

I've updated the 4th chapter of my story, which, if you're interested, you can read right here, via link: [link]

I really would like some input on this story, since i'm trying to turn it into something more. As of now, i've sent out 7 queries, and have received four rejection letters. I know the best authors don't get published or accepted right away. Hell, it took a crappy book like Twilight 9 tries before finally receiving the love. If you have any criticism, please let me know, so that I don't waste my time writing more of a story that might not ever get anywhere.

With that being said, let us begin.

I've decided to make my posts about something real. I'm no longer going to boast or mock or yell or cry out in sorrow everytime I have a problem. Instead, i'm going to take time out to analyze an important factor of life. Tonight, I focus on college, and not just college, but the transition between high school and college as a social transition of friends and lovers.

When I was in high school, I wasn't exactly popular, or prom queen, or worth any guy's attention unless it was Government tutoring. To be perfectly blunt, I spent much of my time making friends with my teachers b/c it seemed that no one wanted me anyway. Now, before you call me a WAHHHH-mbulence, allow me to explain. I have fully accepted my beauty, or lack there of, as just another factor in growing up. Some are blessed with beauty, some are blessed with brains, and some of those people are blessed with both. Those people, I refer to a couple girls that walked the same path with me, were the ones I envied most. Something about KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See really touches me, as it is so that such a song can truly capture the essence of being a high school outcast.

I was always different...some saw it as good, others...not so good. I was funny to some, annoying to others, and in the end, it didn't matter, I always ended up alone. Not many girls can say whole-heartedly that they strived for 4 years of academia without a companion. Well, I did. And i'll tell you what, I still haven't had a boyfriend. Nope, in 20 years of life, I have never been kissed, nor dated a member of any sex. Now before you pick up that phone, listen clear---i am more independent now than I ever could've been if I knew love and passion with another person. This is not a pitty post about me. I'm using my situation to reflect those of the girls who had both beauty and brains. These are the people I both envy, and fear for.

Aileen and Julia, two members of my debate team, were as beautiful outside as their intellect allowed them on the inside. The two were unbelieveable speakers, passionate about the world and changing it for the better. And b/c of their "Fortuna", their fortune of beauty, they were in a position far greater than me to act on their impluses. I can easily remember their faces, clear of acne and of smooth trails as though the Sahara was printed on their cheeks. Aileen had a desireable tan, and a quick wit that made men's knees buckle. Julia was like her counterpart, a funny, cheeky girl with so much humor at her disposal. I would say she and i shared the same quality of reflecting on the world, but I would dare not compare her to me.

Everything they did was like a working of Christ (ironically enough, a person they didn't believe in). They walked like they were their own party, and brought people into their circle like a new addiction. You were BLESSED to have them look at you. You wanted to be their friends, b/c they were everything a man and best friend looked for. They were breathtaking, they were cunning and wise, and they were on top of the high school world, and as such, they could've taken it all in their hands. But it was their lack of desire for political popularity that made them both utterly popular.

So, imagine someone like me who had the misfortune of watching such elegance graze her pathway. Zelus struck me down with a wolf bite, he did, for I was never more envious of them than I was in high school. But I continued to look forward to college, and the idea that college, a place of learning for people like me, would finally allow me to grow prosperous in knowledge as well as friendships. This is what we tend to believe. We will meet people on our own terms and grow deeper in their connections.

Now, you must realize that it cant always be on your terms. Someone has to be the one that reciprocates. Those people are usually my kind. When Machiavelli said it was better to be feared than loved, he said it b/c it implied that you were feared on your terms, while the people loved you on theirs. I love, and its my choice to love you. I fear them, and its on their terms as to why i fear them.

Confused yet? Well, let's just skip on to college. When I got there, my Dorm director gave me one piece of advice; study hard, party harder. That sounds pretty good on paper, and as I read over it, it sounds even better. Yet, it's just another example of terms. If you study hard, it's on your terms. If you party harder, technically, its on your friends, or whoever invites you (assuming its not a party you host, which is about 99% of the ones you will go to).

Again, it's a matter of letting the Aileens and Julias of the world contol how you go about the your social life in college. These are the people that are so cunning in their ways that they can actually control the fluxuation of fun at a party. If they want to do something different at a party, then by God's good graces, you will follow throughly.

You will come to find that even at a college party, the Aileens and Julias of the world are very much alive, but the role has changed. They are still the light of the party, no question, but now it seems they have to work harder on pleasing others. They have to give up certain purities about them to maintain this kind of power, b/c once u get a taste, you want the whole thing. They are no longer Aileen and Julia but a mere reflection of the popular, beautiful, intelligent girls of which they once were. The college party is the best kind of party, b/c it brings to light certain trends.

A high school party doesn't even come close. As a high school, its all about appearences and personality for a goal, like scoring a boyfriend. But at a college party, its all about using your appearence and personality to gain attention that is instantly lost the moment you leave your humble nest and join a much bigger platter of people. The goals are changed, and not only are they changed, but they are reversed, so that whatever you had in high school is what you want again in college. But the task is so unbelievably hard, that you sacrifice your ethics (acting drunk and giving up the cooch) to maintain the title as queen diva.

This is why I love college. High school kids party for other people's applause, and college kids party for other people to even notice. All we as a group have to do is just watch every single one of them get on that beer pong table, strip off their clothes, do some off-balance striptease dance, and we can do whatever we want to them. I guess you can say that in high school, they fear you on your terms, and in college, you are loved on theirs. As a result, people like me just sit back, watch the power struggle and when everyone gets tired, we stand up and take whats ours.

I'm not sure if my rant and drool made much sense to anyone else, but to those who study the actions of others, let it be forewarned that i'll time will come. We will prevail, we will get our power and respect, and that will always be on our terms.

So yeah, i'm gonna head in the shower now and wash all that negativity off my body. Oh wait, you can't wash off a cramp.